Thursday, July 20, 2006

10 Things That...

... Could have been on an okada before you:

1) Four school children.
2) A family.
3) A man with a ladder on his head.
4) A man with a double mattress on his head.
5) One woman and fifteen chickens
6) Two jerry cans of kerosene
7) One man and three live goats.
8) One man and a cow
9) Three cow carcasses.
10) A woman with a cupboard on her head

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

The Average Nigerian phone call

(Normal decibel level - approximately 50 more than in Europe) ‘Hello?...... hello?’

(Increase by 20 decibels) – ‘Hello? … I’m not hearing you….. Hello?

(Another 20 decibels) – ‘Yes I’m hearing you…. Are you hearing me? Hello?

(BELLOW) – 'YES YES I AM HEARING YOU….. FINE THANK YOU… Fine thank you ….WE THANK GOD……. Hello?..... Are you hearing me? …… WHO IS ON THE LINE???'

Monday, July 10, 2006

Snails




If you venture to the market in Nigeria, you may come across a basket full of huge snails, squelching and sliming all over each other. For 250 naira you can purchase four of the giant mollusks to serve as a tasty snack to an unsuspecting friend.

If preferred the market lady will kindly give them a whack, and remove the shells. Once home, you will need to wash them in both cold and boiling water to remove all the goo. Parboil with a stock cube for flavouring, then fry in plenty oil (guts and all) and hey presto!

This is, of course, exactly what we did for Alex’s birthday treat; except we spent 500 naira so he could savour the flavour 8 times over.

NB: If you decide to follow this course of action don’t feign interest in tasting the food. I did, to my demise. After helping me cook, my neighbour sliced one up. I could hardly refuse after all her effort….

Chew chew chew chew chew chew…….. gulp.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Testing Times


‘It’s negative’ confirmed the nurse. I peered over her shoulder; yes, she was right, I could see no white dots of HIV antibodies in the blood. The other kit on the table proudly showed only one red line, just as the one in my office had – negative.

Our client was quiet. She began to smile as the news sunk in. As we parted company she was so happy she dashed me half her transport money home so I could buy a mineral. As she left she was singing to herself and walking with a new lightness of step.

Why am I recording this? What is special about this one lady?

Eleven months ago the same lady conducted some blood tests at another hospital. She was told she had tested positive for HIV. Since that time, almost one year ago, our lady had not conducted any further tests until she arrived in my office clutching her crumpled paper stating her positive status.

She told me she wanted to do the test again. I was reluctant and explained that we are unlikely to see a different result. But in the end I went ahead.

Thank god I did.

Her test was negative! Times three! This lady was told she was HIV positive after a mix up of blood samples. After receiving no counselling she was too scared to go for other tests that would have detected the error sooner. At least now her situation has been resolved. But what about the person who received our lady’s negative result in error?

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Signs


The Chicken that Lays the Golden Egg must be respected. (lorry)

Jesus Loves Fashion (Ghana)

Jesus Saves! No Brian is Idle (sic)

Earoplane on the Ground (pic above)

Millennium Car Wash, Rug & Carpet & Relaxation Centre. Your Satisfaction is our concern.

Thanks God Electricals